Suzan, Your Resident Middle-Aged Therapist (RMAT)

 I just asked my "resident 12-year-old"- how old is mid-life? She looked at me (like a 12-year-old) and said, "I don't know, 30". WHAT!?!  That cannot be, what does a tween know about MIDDLE AGE! I think 30 is still in your "quarter life crisis" phase! I mean, at 30 I still had a metabolism and stayed up past the double digits! So, I naturally went to my second favorite source- the internet. Thank you, Cleveland Clinic, for validating me. Just as I thought, midlife is 40-60 years of age.

TIME OUT- First lesson as your Resident Middle Aged Therapist (RMAT)... "why did I second guess myself? **Note to self- upcoming blog idea- decreased self-confidence during menopause...

Because I didn't learn from my mistakes the first time- I went BACK to my resident 12-year-old" and asked, So what do you think it means to say someone is experiencing a midlife crisis"? This time, she lived up to being the daughter of a therapist. (insert slight tear drop) She said "it's like when a person is confused where the belong. Like they aren't young and fun but not old and boring". Okay. Okay. Okay... I mean, yes. She has an idea of what a "midlife crisis" is. Then again, isn't this term sort of an UMBRELLA TERM.

🌦️There are a lot of correct answers to this question. And here are some that come to mind for me:

• Feeling unsure about who you are now or noticing shifts in your roles, identity, or sense of purpose

• Changes in your physical health that make life feel different than it used to

• Feeling stuck or unfulfilled at work, or wondering if your career still fits

• Shifts in relationships or family dynamics that leave you rethinking what you need

• A growing awareness of time passing, unmet goals, or questions about what you want next

  
  

What I really think it is- It is a cultural stereotype that we unfairly place on ourselves. Resident RMAT here. I have a great idea- let's stop saying "Midlife Crisis".  From this point on, I will be referring to this time in our lives as Midlife Transitions. 

✏️ PAUSE- let's review. “Midlife Transitions” can be an umbrella term for changes in identity, relationships, career shifts, physical changes, and emotional adjustments (we all know I am talking hormones here, right??)

Ladies, Midlife transitions are sneaky!! They can blend in with anxiety, burnout, or ongoing stress in ways that aren’t always obvious at first. And the physical changes of perimenopause or menopause—like shifts in sleep or mood—can quietly add to what you’re feeling during this time.

☁️So how do you know if what you’re feeling is part of a midlife transition or something more like a mental health condition?

In general, midlife transitions are connected to life changes/transitions and shifts in your identity, while mental health conditions tend to show up and persist no matter what stage of life, you’re in.

Midlife shifts can show up in all kinds of ways—sometimes subtle, sometimes more noticeable. For some women, it feels like an emotional wobble; for others, it’s more like feeling numb or disconnected from yourself. You might notice things like:

• Feeling restless or dissatisfied, even if nothing major has changed on the outside

• Not feeling like yourself, or feeling disconnected from your purpose or direction

• Feeling emotionally off‑center, whether that shows up as anxiety, irritability, or a low mood

• Questioning long‑term choices, like your career path or relationships

• Losing motivation or interest in things that used to feel meaningful

• Becoming more aware of aging, time passing, or goals that feel unfinished

• Struggling with change or uncertainty, even small shifts that didn’t used to bother you

And on a more physical or behavioral level, you might notice:

• Trouble sleeping or feeling tired all the time

• Feeling on edge without a clear reason

• Pulling back from people or activities

• Feeling more reactive or sensitive than usual

  
  

Not everyone experiences all of these signs and experiencing them doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. If these feelings are persistent or hard to manage alone, therapy can help provide clarity and support. 

⛅How can my therapist help me during this time??

Therapy during this stage of life is really about slowing down and gently making sense of what you’re feeling. Instead of rushing to “fix” anything, we take the time to understand what’s shifting and why, so you can move forward with more clarity and compassion for yourself. Here are some common treatment plan goals:

• Gaining insight into your emotional patterns and how stress shows up in your life

• Making space to process grief, loss, or unmet expectations that may still be weighing on you

• Reconnecting with your values, strengths, and priorities so you can feel more grounded and aligned

• Building resilience and learning tools to regulate your emotions in a way that feels compassionate and doable

• Moving through life transitions with more self‑kindness, rather than pressure or self‑judgment

Here is the real truth- I’m not here to tell you what decisions to make. I’m here to help you sort out what matters most to you now, and to support you as you move forward in a way that fits who you are today—not who you were 20 years ago. 

“I’m just digging this time. There should be another term besides “midlife crisis,” everyone likes to say she/he is having a midlife crisis. I’d love to rebrand some version of that where you start having a midlife discovery or breakthrough.” – Amy Poehler